I wear "My battle" scars on my sleeves and lead my life with transparency.

Of your shit I was bound to tire

My heart

A victim, of a murder for hire

 

You I should despise

But loving will be my demise. 

Since you refuse to pick on someone your own size

And I’m tired of self-compromise 

My battleships are now ready to fight

 

When you talk about me 

Tell them it was

My inner beauty you stole

Tell them it was thanks to you that

My tanks are on high patrol 

Tell them that to destroy me

Has always been your goal 

 

And in turn 

I will tell them 

how you destroyed the girl I used to be.

I’ll give them a step by step guide

of why for you I will no longer fight.

I’ll tell them 

You lived to see the day 

When I would no longer be able to handle life’s bite

 

You hate me and that’s alright

My light still burns bright

 

Now that its all said and done

Now that you have had too much fun 

Now that I’ve taken your smoking gun 

Now that it’s all been over come 

 

And just like that one by one 

It’s now from me you turn and run.

Your smoking gun…

Pop.

Pop. 

 

Now to our story I’m adding a full stop.

 

 

 

 

 

You win some and lose some. the end of one chapter is only the beginning of another. Never give up the next chapter could be your 'Happily Ever After'

A new chapter. 

A soon to be happily ever after.

A future, full of nothing but happiness and laughter.

A dream.

A reality.

A beautiful actuality

Where

a house becomes a home

And one needn’t worry about being alone 

But for now…

Think of you 

Is all I can do.

The way I feel, you’re still yet to have a clue

Your voice through the phone 

Defeats the feeling

alone 

You’ve the ability to make this hole feel like home 

Under the light of tonight’s full moon

my feelings for you, forever honest and true
Baby I promise, I’ll see you soon 

It was exactly a month ago today that I was prepared to take a bullet to help a criminal to protect those around him from being destroyed by the ripple effect of his case going to trial and him possibly ending up behind bars. But, that was a month ago, since then I have grown to realise that he is a liar; and someone who deceives the trust of those who try to help them deserves to be left to stand 'Alone' in all their battles against life.

He’s a liar 

Now alone can burn 

In life’s raging inferno 

Alone he will fall 

on that I place my word 

And like the animal he is 

Locked up should be

He decided to risk it all 

Ladies and gents he pushed himself

so watch him fall

before the ground he hits 

And his thoughts colliding with the floor

We witness 

of the darkness in life

He has ownership

by his hands 

two lay unstable

In the dreaded place, we know as hospital

a disservice to society 

he deserves the maximum penalty 

It cannot be said enough, our criminal justice system (CJS) is a mess. It wrongfully convicts and accuses. They have a special place waiting for them in hell that will be 'The sentence' they receive

Ready, aim, shoot
They've a plan to sentence and slaughter
crosshead's on you.

Together we watch them recharge
on the way to the court room
ready to hand you the charge

Punishment for a minor offence
in front of you I stand
I'll take the bullet in your defence

And when they're done with their guns
they'll use their limbs for fun

beating a man when he's down
love the way that sounds

then with your case
staring you in the face
they dream, you'll be transfered to the dark place

Human Rights are taken away with a smile
when you stand helplessly
awaiting trial

though innocent, even I've been crucified
now I'm serving time
in the prison cell of life
thanks to their god-awful lies

Once gunned down
only I'll wear my tears for you- my gown
as...
'ashes to ashes'
you're lowered into the ground.

Pain is part of life, and if strong enough through the pain we fight. Sometimes we need to look at life as though dead and sometimes we need to view hate as if we are love because that, we are. Love is within us. So though declare previously I did not, I'm now offering my 'Testimony' in this court of life.

Don’t hate me 

But I did it to hurt you 

I hated her and you knew

you’ve always lived for the thrill

never came clean 

just waited for the news to spill

well, this is my testimony to you

I did it because you hate him and that I knew 

But when non-existent was your respect for me 

My pain I wanted you to feel rather than my tears see

I guess I fell for someone you could never be

A month later, as she lays in my place 

I give you space 

And let my mind race 

Picking at my wounds and further causing myself pain

But I love you 

And there is nothing for you 

I wouldn’t do

To see you smile 

My happiness I chose to exile

for your love I once fought 

But now, it’s for your freedom and possible life with her I fight

I just hope that against you she doesn’t take the stand,

Testify

Because then she will be on the wrong side of my fight 

So close we were 

The finish line was in sight 

But you let go and that’s fine 

Never once did I ask…

Why me?

or

Why now?

I will continue to be your soldier 

I will continue to put my life on the line 

In hope for a change 

Don’t you worry I can handle the pain

I'll be fine promise babe

We have all had a moment where we do something without thinking twice, we dive in before we test the waters if you like and sometimes it feels unreal almost like a 'Late Night Dream', you know the one; the dream that feels like you are living only to wake up in the middle of it all; puzzled.

Late night dreaming 

About poisonous passion

And a touch enough 

to pierce the surface of the skin

Words that once said,

Linger, waiting to be remembered 

or

said again

Eyes softer than pillows

And a voice enough

to render a being unconscious 

And recuperate it again

A touch that can wake a wild fire 

And blow out the flame 

At the same time 

a breath, like a gust of wind on a winters morning

Or a light breeze on a mid-Summers day

A twilight 

As time leans closer and closer into the dark of night 

A door weak enough to let something in 

But behind it, a presence that once felt makes one never want to leave again

A beautiful trap

holding in the palm of its frail hand the tamest wild waters 

Be wary of that late night dream, 

where all, is anything but what it seems 

A liar responds to confrontation with the question "How Did I Lie" answer is simple you opened your mouth and...

I love you

I’ll never hurt you

My one and only 

Forever 

You’re the only one I see 

Live with me 

Stay the night 

Please don’t leave 

Hold my hand 

Hug me 

Be mine 

meet the family 

With you I see a future 

My world 

Amazing 

Perfect 

Beautiful 

She’s just a friend 

Nothing I would rather do than be here with you 

Home 

The laughs 

The smiles 

The pictures

The moments 

The memories 

Its not what it seems 

You didn’t even see anything 

What shit timing

Shall I continue?

A manipulative person lies until you start to believe it when in reality you are 'Not at All Paranoid'

Paranoid, was I?

I was right all along 

you were doing me wrong 

only time I heard the truth, was after you hit the bong

The day after I leave 

through your sleeve your true colours begin to seep 

And with her, you choose to continue to sleep 

It's fine, I’m better now 

But you should really take a bow 

You pulled off an Oscar-winning performance

our life was your song and I love you the chorus 

it's now time never to look back as I walk away in abhorrence

Infidelity in any relationship is hard to deal with. After all the fightin, screaming and deceiving more often than not you will find that you 'have had enough of love'

I’ve been screaming words 

No more lying-it hurts 

told you, I have, ‘I don’t like her’

The arguments; the fights 

I didn’t want them but only they can clear your sight

love you I do, but for your heart, I refuse anymore to fight

To think otherwise, you must be out of your mind 

I fought all I could and yet after all I’ve done 

She has won 

I guess I was just part of the puzzle to your fun

Thank you for the love, 

and the deception of my trust. 

But the time has come to put my foot down; I’ve had enough

I’ll be around in the morning to get my stuff

I may be tough

but I’ve had enough of love

This world may turn on it's own axis but it is anything but predictable. You can go from being someone's world, to lying to the world with the classic "Im Fine"

I cry rivers 

I cry streams 

Though all isn’t as it seems 

A heart of glass, behind a smile- concealed 

once broken never truly heals; 

But you don’t care, let's be real

So.. “I’m fine”- one’s biggest lie

Truth is: than to feel this, I would rather die

Tired of smiling while every inch of me cries 

This hurts like a bullet to an already open wound

But I love you 

So sit here and feel- I do 

But as always ‘I’m fine’

being 'just another girl' in your long line

The dictionary says that "Love is... [Pt. II]" a feeling and yet everyone seems to have their own experiences with love and from that draw up their out definitions of what "Love is..." to them as individuals.

Love has no definition 

For, love itself is a definition

Your laughs and giggles 

your smiles: infectious; as through the air they ripple 

that look in your eyes

When ‘I love you’ we say at the same time

Our hands fit together perfectly 

communication that runs wordlessly

That sparkle in your eyes as you look into mine 

Better than a million highs 

There’s just something about you 

mesmerising, captivating is everything you say and do

Your touch: heaven to the skin 

You I can’t imagine me without and that’s the truth deep within

And that is the simplest explanation 

Of us and love-no dictionary no definition

this can’t be defined 

As our closed door the truth lays behind 

We hold the key

our treasure: not for them to see 

Love isn’t something they can simply see

love is us, love is something one has to be 

no make-belief rendition 

you and I are love's true definition

Laws were supposedly put into place to make sure society is kept safe. But how? By keeping our brothers locked up and living in constant anxiety making their lives a "Prison" cell? The system is wrong in so many ways.

Prison: where you are confined after a criminal arrest.

There, to detain you, they try their best.

Surrounding you with officers; north, south, east and west.

They say laws are put into place

for no other reason than to keep people safe

but reality says they just want to wipe that smile off of your face.

Caging people like animals behind bars.

A place where what’s yours is “no longer yours, it's ours” 

A cell that prevents you from travelling let alone going far. 

And, even leading up to your conviction, 

your happiness is made to be fiction. 

And, thinking about the what-ifs, becomes and an addiction 

Over your life they now have jurisdiction. 

But don’t let them. 

Your life is a blank sheet don’t give them the pen,

because they will have control over you then.

Your life will follow the cycle: think, sleep, wake and over-think again 

Don’t give these dogs the satisfaction.

Don’t change or cut off all other human interaction; 

you’ll give them what they want with that reaction.

Don’t over-think, 

and tape your eyes open in fear of missing something 

if you blink 

Because the secret is there is nothing they can do, 

if you don’t let them get to you. 

And, to yourself stay true,

Don’t put on a mask whatever you do 

It’s okay not to be okay. 

This is the time when you realise who will be there on your darkest day.

Keep those who will show you they care in every possible way.

If all is followed, 

Then in sorrow, there is no reason to wallow. 

It’s all going to be okay 

Because to get to you they will have no way.

With Christmas fast approaching many are left wondering about their gifts, apart from those who were lucky enough to receive theirs early and now only the letter to say "Thank you Santa" awaits. Well, I have Witten mine.

Thank you Santa, I wasn’t expecting this 

the perfect early Christmas gift 

And it all started when going out, he said I can give you a lift 

Now I can put my mind to rest

Don’t have to worry if I am on the list 

You have made true my one and only wish 

Where once it was nothing but fear 

That all disappears 

When he gets home and lays beside me here 

With his arm around me 

Invincible and safe I feel I am and can be

All because I came down here with him that night to get ready

So, Santa thank you 

You truly are amazing just like him at everything you do

When someone becomes part of your life and daily routine, it is beyond difficult to even imagine parting even if it is for a day but in my case we were 'Separated by December'

Oh sweet sweet December, setting our hearts an ember 

We’re spending Christmas apart

Though yes, that hits like a dart

I will take you with me my shining star 

Yes, you won’t hear the carollers I hear sing 

Or the bells that I hear ring 

We won’t be standing together under the mistletoe 

Or resting our heads side by side on neighbouring pillows 

And that’s going to be hard, trust me babe, I know 

But that will only make us stronger 

Even though one day killed and this is four days longer 

But when all is done nothing is to be lost 

Not at any cost 

My arms wrapped around you will protect you from the frost 

Does one ever get hit by 'Regret' after the inevitable lack of forever is not just presented but also set? When we have something good going our species tends to always look for better and for a while we find it but then we wind up with nothing neither what we originally had nor what we thought we found. That is the point at which we realise "Regret" is all we have left.

It feels like cheating
laying here, listening to his heart beating

Waiting for the "I've had enough"
to which I'll reply "this was never love"

I see you leave
biting your tongue and gritting your teeth

It's six
nothing left to fix

Said "I won't"
to which you responded "please don't"

A  promise
followed by a hopeful voice

Not yet and as it stands never to be together
so why waste time seeing forever

Now filled and seeping with regret
the inevitable lack of forever is set.

A 'Heartbeat' is very telling for it can't lie and only speaks the truth even if all else tries to deceive, one's 'Heartbeat' is something to always and forever believe

With my head on your chest
in my mind 'baby you're the best'
and 'like this I can forever rest'

Focused on the rhythm of your heartbeat
being stuck here in this moment is oh so sweet
if I ever was given the chance I would keep this on repeat

Every thud on your chest I can feel
so satisfying, so real
A memory I would forever want to steal

beauty is you
beauty is in this moment everything you do
and how at first sight my heart grew wings and flew

Your heartbeat is music to my ears
As I lay on your chest, I love you my dear

This is one of my dearest pieces even though it conceals my true feelings very weakly it was the first time I saw interest and intrigue when 'Your Request' came through

At your request,
to write this poem, I try my best.

On the first night, I spoke of my fear of heights
the highest building that night you wanted to climb
though say it I didn't, in my mind
'not alone but with you I might'

By the water we sat
I don't tell you, but my memories always take me back to that

Now onto what I love like
or rather, what you told me to write

One look into your eyes
and gravity my heart defies

The way you held my hand
softly, subtly, unplanned
something I now understand

Your shyness at the start
yet everyday a little more you melt my heart

And to my world you bring a light
I'm glad I came to the shop that night

Or the way we looked up at the stars
I knew then, that moment will always be ours

So yes I love like you
to an extent of which you have no clue

I can't say anything else apart from thank you for being 'My Happiness' my sanity and insanity, You complete me.

I'm finally beginning to see
what's been standing there in front of me

I didn't think I deserved even half of this,
for with you I have nothing but sheer bliss

That summer on every shooting star I made a wish
you are one thing on my bucket list accomplished

I could be completely enraged
but all that is caged by your arms around my waist or one look at your face.

You're amazing
no wonder our flame is effortlessly blazing

Yes, I'm crazy
but not when I say 'you complete me'

and I know you've never been in love
but my vow is and always will be to forever shield you like a glove

People suffering from mental illness can find themselves overwhelmed by anything and everything happening, and can often 'Feel like it's all too much. So when that happens take the time to just 'Feel'

Feel.
I want you to feel
not pain or love or lust
but feel you must.

Savour the moment
not alone.
Alone it's empty
and screams darkness don' it?

I want you to feel care,
not to care,
or wonder when she isn't there.
Just, take care.

See what's in front of you.
Beside not behind you.
stare like it's the last thing you'll ever do.
see, just there.

I want you to be.
I'm not asking you to be yourself
or anything or anyone else.
Just be...

Here in this moment.
Feel, savour, see and be here.

It honestly gets to me more than anything else that men are shunned for suffering for depression and being depressed. It's not their fault society is just a mess. 'The Reality of Depression' and mental illness is far more sinister than to the naked eye it may appear.

They tell you it's alright.
So why does it stay over night?

It's okay.
But, it won't go away.

It's not too bad.
Okay, do you want to try?

You're over reacting.
Inside, a hell fire is burning.

It's all for attention.
it's not attention seeking, it's depression.

Go kill yourself.
Thanks for the permission. Its better than living in this cell.

Why are you so quiet?
Of life I'm just tired.

You're too loud.
Are you disturbed by me speaking out?

You're weird.
Normal is boring dear.

Your make up is a mess.
to cover my scars my entire face wears a dress.

You're poorly dressed.
Want me to apologise for being depressed?