I know how it feels to want something so badly you will do anything to get it back including cutting - this one is for all the sufferers of stress depression and anxiety you are not alone-'my self harm experience'

He doesn't know
They don't see beyond my hair
But behind my beauty self-harm is standing there
The cuts, marks and scars they are all there
You didn't before so don't now act like you care
Walk with him and watch me die, tell them all to stare
Hear me cry, but don't lie, just walk on and shout to me 'life isn't fair'
My only regret was out of rage returning to him that valentine bear

Beautiful Girlfriend scripted in Script MT Bold
But that is a lie as a true beauty would not have been sold
It would have been believable if it was felt as well as it was told
But because it wasn't, the antagonistic tear leaves me crying in the cold
Even then in my dreams to this day it is still his hand I hold
I am waiting for my now flat rose to once again create its beautiful fold
Then and only then will I to him once again mean more than gold

Roaming my room is the rancid stench of blood
Only the sharpest knife has truly become my pure diamond stud
My hopes and deepest dreams under his feet they were crushed
My sobs cries wailing and screams by his hand on my mouth they were hushed
As long as for you I yearn at night I will forever remain to twist and turn
and during the day the action plan is to crash my Ferrari and burn
I guess when you are truly madly deeply in love you will never learn

My my my
What if tonight is the night I die
Would you turn up at my funeral or will you shut up and run inside
Knowing that it for you the nights my eyes slept not but cried
Could it be your eyes the ones that smiled the second I died
And if tonight shall be my last night know that its for you I took my life
My best friends a year ago became  the sharpest scissors and knives
You didn't help didn't care only they have the power to end my strife

The doors of hell for you alone are now your only afterlife entrance
They wouldn't have been if it wasn't on your behalf I started my self-harming experience

This one goes out to all my goglers and fans this one also goes out to the one who will remain unnamed whom I now regret associating with very dearly but at the same time owe gratitude to for giving me the strength I now own though making me cry and angry most times so I guess this is thank you, here it is- 'I Told You'

I told you that by him on my lips
I was intensely kissed
I told you that it was him whom healed my wounds
I told you that it was you indeed
the one who made me bleed
and in return your lips were sealed

I told you it was mine, the had of which he held
I told you about him, our love and how with him I felt, I did,
I told you about our love and all I feel towards him instead of you

I told you that with him there is no obligation to yell
and you know its the love that we had that I want to sell
all because I am tired of living in your hell

It was once you making my intensity levels rise
now with one single look at you it's my heart I jeopardise
one touch and my blood red rose dies
I told you if I stay my heart will continuously decrease in size
He is far less controlling, with you there was no communication with any other guys
finally I am strong enough to say I am done with your lies and goodbye

I told you with you I wanted to grow old
I told you it was you I forever wanted to hold
I told you truly that to me you meant more than gold
Though currently its our gold that is being sold  
so don't come up with the excuse that you were never told
up until today I had always wanted to be your warmth when you were cold
But now the cold is something alone you have to try and scold

I told you it was for you every heart beat
But now in our separate lives I have no care if our children never meet
I told you today, forever and always it will be you and me
That one promise I would have kept if you ever let me be
I told you I despise those who make me feel small
I told you, you should know, for I told you this all

If a man has stripped you of your happiness and gone against his promises of forever and always then he is what this poem is all about and this one is for you "The Man Behind The Mask"

I saw you as my angel

But the condition I was in was fatal 

I might as well have called you my devil

Later I came to realise you were awaiting my destruction
The smiles experienced were to fulfil your challenge after the induction
Your plan was now a construction
I now can see your mind was full of hate and seduction
You knew because you saw my heart was made of glass
That is when the compliments started about my ass

More damage than biking on a high-road without a casque
To see the real you, now, that, was a task

For you are not that angel I had once thought 

At last 

I now know you are not that boy of my dream

Or the beauty of any film cast
At last
I have seen all you have cut out to be
 You are just the tall dark man behind the mask
That is the thought going to forever last
You are just, the man behind the mask

If you want to know the meaning of love then this is for you- love is a burning fire hotter than hell in which if you jump in with a pure soul you cannot burn let the fire glow and be sure to never let it snow -Our love is a flame and together we make history but its only up to you if you want that history to be held a memory-The Flame

Tell me...

Just tell me you'll let me kiss you goodnight

And I will tell you I will let you hold me tight

Please let our hearts become entwined

And our lives get given a glow and set a light

I don't understand, why am the one to blame?

I'm not a dog, so I see not why you think I should be tame 

Why without you it  is impossible for me to experience fame

And why I am unable to put out this burning flame
Could it be because we are stuck together and in love
That I no longer desire to push nor shove
Instead I would rather be living with a dove
In peace with a beautiful dove deeply in love
I remember
Do you remember,
Remember not that spiteful September
But the indulgence on that delightful December
If you decide you want to take time and remember
I will forget the pain and sorrow you caused me once upon a November
If you decide you want to find a time-machine and remember
I will remember the happiness that was given to my heart on that October
I will take time and try to once again treat you like my one and only lover
But in return I want you to treat me like your love is mine and for no other
Deep with in our flame still burns
And this much you know
Because if died it had in your sight always there will be a crow
Summer would no longer exist because our flame will be put out by the snow
But our darkest nights still see our flame, please let it low
If one of us decides the glow is all too much or we suddenly don't like the snow
Then I am afraid I will have to let you go
Our love is a flame
If one day it's glow goes dim
Then remember together we are the ones to blame
And don't accuse the one who once had my heart because you killed the flame not him

Sonnet of a traumatized heart

Never has anybody tended to my traumatized heart 

Never have I thought not even death can do us part

   Though the sky has been so bright 

I lay down asleep not, watching the night

A dream like ours only ever happened once before

Now that it’s broken I guess I can have you never more

You drew me in like the moon draws the tide

Love was once alive before I stabbed it till it died
hate kicked in showing absolutely no reason
now waiting apprehensively for the change of season  
my traumatized heart is crying 
if you are not here for any longer I will surly be dying
kiss me, hug me
and together we can convince life to let us be

This poem is based on the book to kill a mockingbird- this one is called 'You Killed a Mockingbird' this talks about love left hidden and words unspoken till the point of death

You Killed a Mockingbird

I am not going to lie, nothing seems to matter any more, 
I don't know if it's because you watched me walk out then slammed the door.
Pain was something I thought would last, 
I guess it would have, if my head was still stuck in the past, 
when you are having fun they say time does go fast 

Everything we left behind,
I need to erase it from my mind,
I was wrong to sing you that song,
it was a declaration of love, a place, where I no longer belong.
Because...

You killed a mockingbird
for no good reason,
come the change of season it’s a sin you can’t erase,
you killed a mockingbird because it needed its voice to be heard,
now every so often you visit the yard,
where the mocking bird lay,
still... and contained no heart beat, did its little grave.

You let regret and sin fill up your microscopic heart,
because you tore an innocent soul apart.
So why then give the mocking bird little a wave
its dead now don’t you know
it can’t respond to what you show

I am not sure if you know what you have done
for I was that beautiful mocking bird singing you that song
I tried to let you know that love is a place where we all could belong
the first didn’t get me
neither did the second
you shot out the third
my little chirpy voice could no longer be heard

I was still young, yet you showed no humanity
shooting me beneath my left breast
portrayed in that very moment, an image of cruelty in its very worst

In my heart the penetration took place
the merciless bullet became friends with the end of my days
I hope you are happy now where you rest
to show you the power of love I did try my best.

You killed a mockingbird
for no good reason
come the change of season it’s a sin you can’t erase
you killed a mocking bird because I wanted my voice to be heard

This one is called 'in case' -Just in case you are wondering if anyone out there understands you the answer is right here I do

In case, he said
I am sure he said
In case I cut you and watched you while you bled
In case you arise at night and begin to twist and turn in our bed

In case you want to step our love up a notch
In case we wake our princess daughter who is sleeping peacefully in her cot
Let her be kissed on the forehead and told we love her a lot

Then close the door
and let her snore
for she is the one that we adore
and when our beauty no more cab she snore
dress her we will and escort our rose into her chosen store
and in case one day our sweetheart wants to study law
we will make sure she memorises its core.

In case one day we think of leaving one another
all we need to remember is how much we loved each other
In case one of us begins to think we can find another lover
just remember what we have been through together
In case you forget your promise forever
just remember when I said I will leave you never

In case you ever feel neglected and find it hard to bare
I  want you to remember when I vowed with this ring on my finger I will always be there
In case you feel as if all I do is stare
I want you to forgive me for your beauty is what cases me to stare
and I don't want you to live another nightmare

In case just in case.