This is one of my dearest pieces even though it conceals my true feelings very weakly it was the first time I saw interest and intrigue when 'Your Request' came through

At your request,
to write this poem, I try my best.

On the first night, I spoke of my fear of heights
the highest building that night you wanted to climb
though say it I didn't, in my mind
'not alone but with you I might'

By the water we sat
I don't tell you, but my memories always take me back to that

Now onto what I love like
or rather, what you told me to write

One look into your eyes
and gravity my heart defies

The way you held my hand
softly, subtly, unplanned
something I now understand

Your shyness at the start
yet everyday a little more you melt my heart

And to my world you bring a light
I'm glad I came to the shop that night

Or the way we looked up at the stars
I knew then, that moment will always be ours

So yes I love like you
to an extent of which you have no clue

I can't say anything else apart from thank you for being 'My Happiness' my sanity and insanity, You complete me.

I'm finally beginning to see
what's been standing there in front of me

I didn't think I deserved even half of this,
for with you I have nothing but sheer bliss

That summer on every shooting star I made a wish
you are one thing on my bucket list accomplished

I could be completely enraged
but all that is caged by your arms around my waist or one look at your face.

You're amazing
no wonder our flame is effortlessly blazing

Yes, I'm crazy
but not when I say 'you complete me'

and I know you've never been in love
but my vow is and always will be to forever shield you like a glove

People suffering from mental illness can find themselves overwhelmed by anything and everything happening, and can often 'Feel like it's all too much. So when that happens take the time to just 'Feel'

Feel.
I want you to feel
not pain or love or lust
but feel you must.

Savour the moment
not alone.
Alone it's empty
and screams darkness don' it?

I want you to feel care,
not to care,
or wonder when she isn't there.
Just, take care.

See what's in front of you.
Beside not behind you.
stare like it's the last thing you'll ever do.
see, just there.

I want you to be.
I'm not asking you to be yourself
or anything or anyone else.
Just be...

Here in this moment.
Feel, savour, see and be here.

It honestly gets to me more than anything else that men are shunned for suffering for depression and being depressed. It's not their fault society is just a mess. 'The Reality of Depression' and mental illness is far more sinister than to the naked eye it may appear.

They tell you it's alright.
So why does it stay over night?

It's okay.
But, it won't go away.

It's not too bad.
Okay, do you want to try?

You're over reacting.
Inside, a hell fire is burning.

It's all for attention.
it's not attention seeking, it's depression.

Go kill yourself.
Thanks for the permission. Its better than living in this cell.

Why are you so quiet?
Of life I'm just tired.

You're too loud.
Are you disturbed by me speaking out?

You're weird.
Normal is boring dear.

Your make up is a mess.
to cover my scars my entire face wears a dress.

You're poorly dressed.
Want me to apologise for being depressed?

10.11.18 The scare of one's life came into mine when just after 2 hours the text was received, you had crashed your 'Motorbike'

You know what it's like
for someone you love to lose their life
yet that nearly happened to you last night
when on that road, you crashed your bike.

It seems like you live for the thrill
now correct me if I'm wrong, but is there a hole that is to fill
you've already crashed once this week clearly that's taught you nil
until your life was nearly used to pay the bill

I won't blame it on luck
I see it for what it is, her eyesight fucking sucks
You for her, try to cover up
What? because her family semi showed you love

Of course they would
because sew their daughter they knew you could
so done it was to convince you that you shouldn't which by the way you really should
Big whoop. Under the wheel they should have stood.

The medics were called to the scene
where once your healthy bike and helmet would have been
honestly on the bridge of her nose specs should have been if she can't fucking see
All this while sitting at home where you left me,
drafting a message to your friend to ask if you he had seen

Your text to me later on that night
read ' never again will I ride a motorbike'
and that only took seeing your life flash before your eyes
but knowing you it should have read 'until next time'...

Somethings if not given a chance first appear 'Unhealthy' no matter how much they may later benefit you if ever given the chance.

You're poison,
Carbon Monoxide to my lungs,
Addiction to my brain,
unknowingly you drive me not crazy, but insane
and when you're done,
when you've had your fun,
I'm gone.

At the rising of the sun, you appear
somewhere else, with someone else
anywhere, with anyone
just not with me here

You become all I can think of
it's obsession not love

And as I am not yours
I will let you, alone, find the door

Congratulations! I want you NO MORE xoxo

It's one thing to build a wall so high, it's another to let someone climb that wall and then line it with poison ivy on the other side, you become your own prisoner, 'Captured' not by your other half but by your pride.

Every time you get closer 
my heart beats over and over 
you've got me higher that ever

You've got me up against the wall 
every time you walk through that door
~faydee

always wanting more

If you can't already tell
the deed has been done all too well,
from the highest point, alone I fell

It's taken over me,
consumed now, it won't let me be
nothing else it will let me see

...help... me... 

By you I've been captured
into your custody released
and by you, recaptured

By space I am continuously tortured
my heart- fractured
and by you, after every breath, enamoured.